The Hell?

Wow, I really managed to avoid posting anything on this blog for a whole year? Damn. Interesting. Say hello, to 2011. I'm not declaring any resolutions as such, but posting on this at least once a year would be nice. We'll see.

Bring on the singularity

I find myself once single once again. By my own choice this time, though I believe I had good reasoning. This could probably make up its own entry, but I doubt it ever will. Anyways, I've been thinking for the last few weeks about my situation (being single). I've considered just sort of staying single for a while, playing the field as they say, which seemed like an interesting and somewhat promising idea until I identified two problems. One: Playing the field involves the kinds of social skills an confidence that I simply don't possess. Certainly, I can interact on a casual basis with pretty much anyone I encounter, I'm not socially inept by any means. But for whatever reason, whenever it comes to interacting on a deeper level, particularly involving the actual act of asking a girl I'm interested in on a date, I completely freeze up. Perhaps because of a fear of rejection, perhaps because that involves some sort of display of my inner workings, which I prefer to keep to myself and a select few friends. Yet another problem of mine. I'm amassing quite a list. But I digress. Problem two: I fucking loathe being single. Absolutely hate it. And of course, I have no idea why. I've just always been that way, or at least for as long as I've been interested in girls. When I'm not dating someone, I tend, every once in a while, to fall into these bad moods for no particular reason, where I just feel generally depressed. This rarely happens, if ever, when I'm dating someone. Another thing I hate about being single is how terribly irritating and boring I become. I'd hate to be one of my friends, because when I'm single its almost all I ever talk about. I can't help myself, I feel driven, compelled almost, to talk about relationships and girls. And this of course is because of HOW MUCH I HATE BEING SINGLE. I have more to say on this particular subject, a part two can be expected.

Makin' it up as I go.

So there we were, sitting in this little shithole diner in the middle of goddamn nowhere. The bastard's sitting across from me, sucking lazily on a Marlboro red. I could never really stand Cowboy Killers.
Always fucked up my throat.
Anyways. I'm choking down some of the vile slop that this fucking place has the balls to call coffee, and I'm just staring at the motherfucker sitting across the table from me. Daring him to say something. I'm sure by this time I look like a goddamned lunatic, but I don't give a shit. It's 3am, all the people in here look like fuckin weirdos. Even the motherfucker across from me.
He's got this subtle aura of completely batshit insane about him, it tends to put a man on edge. It's not like he looks like anything particularly special. By all accounts, a standard guy. Dirty blonde hair, not too long but pretty messy despite that, wire, half-frame glasses that put a slight emphasis on his wild eyes. He's dressed pretty scruffily, just an old Genesis t-shirt and ragged jeans. I don't even think he's wearing shoes, but damned if I'm breaking my crazy stare to check. He just looks back at me, nonchalantly.
So I guess you'll be wanting an explanation, he says.
Fucking yes I want a goddamn explanation I calmly reply. He takes one last drag from his cigarette before grinding it into the ashtray and lighting another. He takes a long drag from this one. My hand twitches involuntarily towards the fork laying on the table.
Look, he says, calm as fucking anything, I'm sorry about your car. But honestly, I had to run it into that truck. I had no other choice.
No other fucking choice! I interject, coolly. Like fucking hell you had no other choice!
Seriously man. He smiles. I had to. He takes another drag.
I'm on a mission from God man.
My hand inches ever closer to the clean silverware lying innocently on the table.

Inspiration, But With A Lack Of Real Motivation.

Lately, I've been feeling somewhat inspired to do more creating. In the last two days, I've seen two excellent movies that have just made me want to... do something. Across the Universe and Almost Famous. The first is a musical using Beatles songs set in the 60's. It's kind of trippy and weird, but I can't help but enjoy it, and somehow I find myself never truly tiring of it. It's somewhat difficult to truly describe, so I simply have to recommend that you just watch it. It's a long movie and I've seen it several times, and every time I watch it it makes me want to do something. It inspires me somewhat, though in a very vague way. Almost Famous is about a 15 year old kid who winds up writing a story for Rolling Stone about a band in the early 70's. It's apparently a semi-autobiographical film about Cameron Crowe, who also directed Jerry McGuire. This movie inspires me in a more specific way. To write. To be honest, I haven't written anything in my free time outside of this blog for quite a while, which I view as somewhat of a shame. I don't know if I would truly consider myself a writer, but I do enjoy writing somewhat, and I'm told I'm pretty good at it. I suppose it's the same case with my art. I only draw when I'm bored and don't have anything else to do. My most prolific time for sketching is when I'm in a class, taking notes. For some reason, I just don't use my free time to draw, which is unfortunate, since it's fairly deeply involved in my chosen career path. As is writing actually, at least ideally. So there's the problem. And I'm fully aware, it is my own problem. I'm obviously the only one that can do anything about my own lack of motivation. I'm just not sure... how.

Worries

Well. First new post in quite some time, and for that I apologize. I've been unusually busy since school let out. Just stuff with friends, high school graduations, that sort of thing. I went out last night, fairly late, to help out a friend who seemed to be in need. So Alex and I went to visit him at 2:30 am, and hung around for a couple hours. He seemed better for the company. I realize that there isn't much I can do to directly help him get better, but he knows I'm there if he ever needs me. Even when he doesn't think he does. :)
To be honest I haven't much else to say. There may be developments in my personal life in the near future, but I'll elaborate on those as they happen.

Bizarre Little Comic I Drew in Like 30 Minutes. If That.

Apologies for this bizarre little atrocity ahead of time. You'll notice a couple of words that were crossed out. That's because I came up with the "plot" as I went, starting from the idea of a guy staring uneasily at his scrambled eggs. This should also explain the unusually sudden change the comic takes on the second page. Enjoy. Or don't. Click if you dare.




Weird, no? Perhaps I'll start doing weird little improv comics like this more often, drawing practice, and this was fun actually. Maybe not with a sharpie next time though. I think I might be a little high from the fumes...

Well.

My last day of class was a couple days ago. First semester of college down... quite a few more to go. But I'm reasonably sure I did well in all my classes, so that's fairly exciting. I'm definitely looking forward to a bit of a break though. After taking a semester off last fall, going back into school suddenly was a bit of a shock. So a couple months away from academia will be appreciated. In the meantime of course, I'm looking for employment. Which is going... not brilliantly, but I haven't applied to as many places as I could. So of course, if anyone knows about any places hiring, don't be shy, please inform. It would be greatly appreciated. In the meantime I need to apply to a few more places. I'm sure something will pan out.